Falling in love is scary as hell. Especially when you've been wrong before. Not just a case of bad taste, but you chose wrong. Yet another sobering thought.
My therapist thinks I started dating too soon. I can't entirely argue with that, but by the same token, we get hurt and healed in relationship. I'm sure that's a quote from a book, but I can't remember which one. Regardless, I believe I've mentioned before I'm a fan of this concept.
Tracey Lawrence's, Alibi's, just came on on my ipod.
"She knows every move that a man could make
She knows every trick in the book
She knows how to give, she knows how to take
Cause so many times she's been taken and fooled."
This song clearly captures emotion from me. Does that seem bitter, especially considering how I started this post off?
Realistically, a new relationship is bound to bring up the shit from the previous one. Of course I wish that weren't so. I also wish I were 6 feet tall and naturally prone to thinness. : )
Whenever I listen to music, I feel close to God. For me, music is proof God exists.
From love to God. This is a natural progression of thought for me.
But it really should begin and end with God.
As I was publishing the post, Rascall Flatts, He ain't the leaving kind, came on on my ipod:
"He ain't the leaving kind. He'd never walk away, even from those who don’t believe and wanna leave him behind. He ain't the leaving kind."
I don't believe things like this are coincidence. When I was searching for lyrics to the song, I came across this site: http://www.st-dennis.org/youth/dh060406.asp
Think what you will.
Saturday, July 08, 2006
The urge to add, "and I ain't got nobody" is a knee jerk reaction, but would not be accurate. : ) I do have someone, and while a relationship is certainly not the end all be all, it can be quite nice.
When I'm not stressed out, that is.
"I remember when, I remember, I remember when I lost my mind
There was something so pleasant about that phase.
Even your emotions have an echo
in so much space..
And when you're out there
Yeah, I was out of touch
But it wasn't because I didn't know enough
I just knew too much...
Does that make me crazy?"
Lyrics from the song, Crazy, by Gnarles Barkley. They strike a distinct chord in me.
I'm house sitting for a some close friends, and it's been quite the thing to have a place all to myself again. I enjoy putting away groceries, making breakfast, singing outloud,...it's been a delightful day. I even worked out! The only problem is, I can't find the base to the blender so I can make my breakfast protein shake. Yikes! Perhaps we should start using comic book adjectives again! Gadzooks!
I've been living in my parents basement for the past year while going through a divorce. POW! What a cliche. It's sobering looking around myself and letting my reality sink in.
The hardest thing for me to keep a handle on in this new relationship is my anxiety. It's only been three months, and you simply can't have high expectations after three months! And yet, if you expect nothing, you get nothing...what an interesting line to walk.
He says he's a simple guy who doesn't put much thought into what he says or does. Really? I find that somewhat disconcerting. The luxury of not putting much thought into something--anything, is too staggering for me to take in. I did reiterate to him I was not a simple woman--not by any means. I want to say, "There's so much about me you need to know in order to understand what I do and say." It's all connected.
Truthfully, I don't even know if he's the type of guy who actually wants to talk about shit. Maybe he's all surface. What the hell do I know? Look at my track record! : )
Getting to know someone is a bit of a mind trip.