Tuesday, August 28, 2007
I have one thing checked off my wedding "to do" list--I bought a dress! Well, my mom dragged me out dress shopping, and it was surprisingly successful, so she actually bought it. : ) I say "surprisingly" successful because I already had a dress (which she was apparently horrified I was considering wearing).
My original dress is a "clean" version of the corpse bride dress I wore for Halloween a few years back. I picked up two identical dresses on sale because they were so pretty. I had no intention of buying a wedding dress that day, but when I tried it on, it looked so nice I figured I didn't have anything to lose (except $20). The comment I got most as the corpse bride was, "That's really a pretty dress." And that was ripped, torn, and covered in oil and mud! Two years later, I tried it on again and still thought it was just as lovely (yes, I realize you can't really see the dress in this photo). : )
But of course I found something even more lovely. I didn't go to wedding dress stores the first time around, (I bought some kind of cream colored dress from a random store) so I was quite nervous. I even made sure to dress up a bit, lest I be treated as though I "didn't belong" in any of the dress shops (I have hang ups about growing up in a lower economic area of the city, and have always felt as though I was uneducated and uncouth). Add to that I've never had any exposure to wedding planning, and always thought actual wedding stores would be intimidating and out of my price range (I didn't realize there were all kinds of shops with all kinds of ranges). Considering my mom thought Rob's parents would see my original dress as a "bargain shop" dress, I come across some of my hang ups naturally!
Anyway, my mom was clearly in her glory pulling out dress after dress for me to try on, and we came across a hit pretty early in. It's a rather romantic dress, which is quite flattering (obviously), and is just generally charming. My mom made the comment I must like it the most as I had it on "longer than all the others", which I didn't realize. But not wanting to spend money I didn't have to, I wanted to bring out a few other people for a final decision.
The next day I took my original dress over to Suzy's, (one of my brides maids who has no socio-economic hang ups, is quite level headed and proudly bought her wedding dress for a mere $12) so she could have a frame of reference for when she saw me in the second dress. Suzy agreed with me about the first dress being quite pretty, but after seeing me in the second one, she hated to admit it, said it went against all her principles, but she thought I should buy it. So, decision made, we wrapped it up and took it home. I ended up trying it on again back at her place for my other brides maid, Amanda, and I think she even got a bit of a tear in her eye!
Of course, I couldn't escape wedding dress shopping without at least one classic mother comment, which I understand for the most part is rather common. Amanda's came in response to her questioning her mom about why she wasn't tearing up at seeing Amanda try on wedding dresses, to which she got, "Well, 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce, you know."
Mine came while I was wearing the dress in question (which has a small champagne colored band across the top). My mom was asking the shop attendant what she thought about the dress, as compared to another, and said, "You see, this is her second wedding. So, don't you think this would be more appropriate?" Gasp! I said, "Well, maybe I should just get a scarlet letter emblazoned on the back. That ought to make it obvious."
I suppose wedding planning would not be complete without at least a little drama.
Rob suggested I wear the other wedding dress out during my bachelorette party, which I didn't plan on having, but that's such a fun idea, now I must! : D
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Rob was surprised I could still be admiring my ring after this length of time (this length of time being just over a month since the proposal). "Are you kidding?" I said. "This will carry a glow for me for quite some time."
Is this unusual? I go through different stages where I'm admiring the ring more or less depending on my mood and the day. Today I've been looking down a fair bit at my sparkling jewel. Is it because it's symbolic, or simply the fascination new jewelery generally brings? Or worse, am I just materialistic? Mmmmm... I've actually thought about this.
The engagement occurred quickly within the early stages of us living together; I thought Rob wouldn't get around to it until later in the year, especially with his new job (I thought he would be otherwise preoccupied with getting used to my crap laying everywhere around the house, and managing the stress a new job brings). When he proposed, I was a little surprised he didn't need more time to decide to spend the rest of his life with me. : )
When I look down at my ring, I'm reassured he's committed. I know there are never any guarantees, but I take the symbol of the ring seriously and I'm happy knowing he's in it for the long haul. I'm especially happy I don't have to worry about whether or not he's in it for the long haul.
Now we just have to plan the bloody wedding. Sigh. I'm not the kind of woman who's always dreamt of the "special day". It causes me a fair bit of stress and anxiety imagining everything that needs doing. But, I'd like a lovely day to remember (especially after all the regrets I felt after the first one), so I've decided I need to get the hell over it and get the hell on it.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
I'm really not a fan of change. I think some people truly embrace it, but I'm not one of them. Even the slightest of changes can cause anxiety to build in my stomach. When I was younger, I remember getting stressed out when my boyfriend wanted to sell his car. But let's be honest, there isn't much that doesn't provoke at least some level of anxiety in me.
This morning one of my co-workers announced she was being seconded (another dept takes the employee for a set period of time, with their original position being retained until the secondment is over--usually for some kind of project). Typically a secondment is temporary, but I have yet to see any of the Universitie's seconded employees return to their original positions, as invariably a new position gets created out of the secondment.
So, in the middle of the morning meeting-- I don't want to say I burst into tears, but the tears started and I was having a hard time getting my emotions under control. I was praying the meeting would end quickly and wondering what the hell I could think of to try and stem my feelings. For the rest of the day people asked me if I was alright (a few even hugged me), and the co-worker in question was a little awkward with me (not so hard to understand). Sigh. I'd rather it wasn't obvious I like some people much more than they might like me.
It's times like these when I wish I were a man. Could you imagine a guy bursting into tears when a co-worker announces their departure? I think I would start laughing out loud, it would be so ridiculous. This simply would never happen, not even with a gay guy.
And I can't tell if I'm just emotional, or really bad at goodbyes. I remember crying at the goodbye party for one of our managers leaving A.M.A, and I'd hardly been there a year and barely knew him. I also avoided going to my own farewell party at A-Channel, though I'm still not entirely convinced one actually occurred. Mmmm... I really didn't think I was such an emotional person (though when I said this to a friend she just kind of raised her eyebrows).
Rob was also having a hard time understanding how this co-worker's secondment affected me, but it's as simple as she is an excellent colleague and our department is rather unstable, so we need every anchor we can get. Never mind the other support she provides (that thought alone is enough to get my eyes welling again). She also started at the University not long after me, so I've been working with her almost my entire time here, which will be two years in ten days.
Of course it's a good opportunity for her, and very few people will remain in my department over time, but I feel quite affected none the less. With planning a wedding during the next year (possibly followed by a family), I'm not really on some big crazy career train. Inevitably I'm going to see many people come and go. And I'm clearly not ready for anyone to go (never mind her). : (
I could be hormonal, or even a bit tired, as I thought a burglar was trying to break in around 1am last night and had a hard time settling down after waking Rob up for us to search the whole house (we did not find anyone, but I think someone took their trash out and the garbage bin gates are jarringly loud).
When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door we do not see the one which has been opened before us. ~ Helen Keller