Wednesday

I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning... Sigh.

I had my first baseball game of the season last night, which was fabulous. I signed up for a singles group (meaning they put you with a bunch of other individuals who also don't have a team), and the team is great. Unfortunately, they made a tactical error in the bottom of the fifth to let some cute chick with Jackie O sunglasses stay on second after she ran past it and we tagged her as out (which would have been our second out of the inning). "I didn't know that," she pleaded breathlessly--chest heaving, "Can't we just let it slide as I didn't know the rule?" (rolling eyes) If you don't know the bloody rules, don't play the bloody game.

As it was, this ended up being our TSN turning point when they rallied right after and brought in a bunch of runs to tie the game. In our last inning we didn't manage a single run, after a frickin double play when one of our chicks was busy talking to the second baseman and "forgot" to run to third (despite magnificent coaching from the third base coach--me). Seriously. Can these women at least try not to be such a cliche?

My performance was pretty good. I cranked a few foul (which would have been beautiful had they straightened out), brought in a few runs, and made it on base all but once. I did have one error in the field (I play second base), but managed to get a few people out, so that was redeeming.

Overall, I think our team has a lot of potential. Though playing last night makes me want to play more (as it does every year), so I'll have to see what I can do about getting on some other teams. I don't play for the City TV Sunday team anymore, but it's their loss (and it really is. Yahoos). Luckily this is the Spring season only, so for Summer I can sign up for a few more nights. I don't know what it is about Softball for me, but when I'm out there it's so exciting and exhilarating.

I never participated in team sports as a kid, and now as an adult I realize just how much I missed out on. I will definitely be encouraging (forcing) my children into some sort of team sport. The confidence and social skills that result are invaluable.

And now the aches and pains set in. The day after the first game is always a bitch.

Like many, I am saddened and sickened by the Virginia Tech mass murder. What is more disturbing than the incident itself, is the coverage the murderer is receiving as a result. I'm referring to the latest development, the gunman's manifesto received by NBC which has subsequently aired frequently in many reports.

Do we as viewers, family members or students need to understand in video or photo format just how disturbed this man really was? Don't the callous slayings speak for themselves? Isn't the airing of this footage glorifying the crime this sick person committed? And to a larger degree, does it not give others a fresh idea to add to any of their potential fantasies of acting out in a sadistic rage?

What I would have preferred was the anchor indicating that although NBC received such a package and immediately turned it over to authorities, they carefully considered the value in airing such a manifesto. That top executives at NBC decided not to air the footage or photos so as not to glorify and fulfill the last part of this perverse plan.

Describing this manifesto in words alone would be sufficient to get the point across (the point being how ill this guy really was). I can more than fill in the blanks as to how fucked up he was. To see him in all his glory on tv and hear his incoherent aggression only reminds me how much the media feeds off this sort of thing, and in effect spreads and fans the violence originally created.

Imagine the effect this must have on the victim's friends, family and fellow students. What must it be like for them to see and hear the last words from this disturbed mind? To see and hear a self-righteous "explanation" of the slaughters? In the midst of their grief, seeing and hearing from this sick mind could only add to the horror and trauma already inflicted. Hearing this bastard say, "This could have been avoided," is disgusting to say the least.

The loss of these individuals does not lose significance without video commentary. The effect of this crime is not any less profound without a picture. I imagined the horror well enough when I read how one girl played dead to avoid being shot, how others lay on the ground with their feet blocking a classroom door from the re-entry of the gunman, and still how another student tried to deny what his mind clearly recognized as the sound of gunfire coming from a nearby classroom only to finally realize fellow students were indeed being shot.

After working in the media for seven years, I am reminded again of my decision to leave a toxic industry and the people that continue to infect what we call "news". What will it take for networks and editors to make the right decision instead of a ratings decision?

While generally boycotting the news may make me less informed about current events, it also makes me less jaded and cynical about the world we live in. In the wake of such tragedy, all we can do is cling to the notion that the world and all of our existence is not summed up by one heinous act--even when it feels like it is.

Sing a song

Rob's birthday week was successfully capped off with an evening of Karaoke Saturday night. There is very little I wouldn't do for this man (other than sing, apparently). : )

He was pretty much the only person who sang from our group, despite the reasonable turnout of birthday revellers. Most of the singers in the bar weren't all that bad, only the odd singer was so atrocious one of our people left with a splitting headache. "Quinn", who seemed to sing non-stop, actually cornered Rob in the bathroom to make small talk and compliment him on his first song choice--You'll never find, by Lou Rawls. Coming from him, it was unfortunately not much of an inspiration. This guy was actually sipping tea for his throat at one point, and was by far the worst in the bar. Even Rob was substantially easier to listen to then Quinn (but I'm a little biased).

A few of my friends noted how unfortunate it is Rob doesn't have more of a natural singing voice considering just how much he loves music (but his passion truly makes up for any lack in vocal ability). ; )

Rob indulged in no less than five karaoke songs over the course of the evening (more than a few in my honor, I might add), and partook in several cheap Long Island iced teas (much to his bodies dismay the next morning--he's not much of a drinker).

He worried whether I had a good time or not, but seeing him so happy really brings me much joy.

Tonight we're off to get a firewire for my video camera so we can upload a few of his performances to UTube (stay tuned for the link).

It was a grand birthday evening, indeed. "The best birthday ever." said an enthusiastic and inebriated Rob.

Complete

What birthday isn't complete by wearing a moosehat and having staff at a local restaurant clap and sing for you?

Indeed.

To top that off, I ordered a lemon gelato cake for Rob (his favorite). Damn, I'm a good girlfriend.

***

My boss left a Crave cupcake on my desk. As delightful as it was, I now feel extremely full and slightly ill (I'd advise not having a meal along with the cupcake, as I did. Ugh). Still, as a meal itself this might work.

***

Last random thought: the other night when I was setting up "my room", I was listening to my ipod. I was all excited to be listening to some of the tunes I'd downloaded from Rob's new ipod. Imagine my surprise when "one headlight" came on and instead of hearing Jakob Dylan of the Wallflowers, it was Rob (a very drunken Rob, I might add) belting out his passionate version.

I'll do my best to post it, as it's a rare treat indeed.

There's always tomorrow

And thank God for that!

Today was a much better day than the last. I'm surprised I'm maintaining a good mood considering the weather, but I'll take it.

I think a few things contributed to today being much better than yesterday: I set up "my room" at Rob's place last night (aka the room I get ready in, have my vanity and clothes in, etc). Although Rob has a very large walk in closet, I have not yet had the urge to share it, oddly enough. I'm happy enough having a his and her closet and bathroom, that sort of thing. It's also nice to feel as though I have something I can consider "my space" (though it's really all our space now). And I don't think it hurts leaving some of his spaces unchanged, either. : )

The second thing contributing to my mood today is it's Robert's birthday! While he's not keen on raising a fuss over the day, I can't help celebrating the day he came into the world. My life would be so different without him! : ) Thank God for Robert. He was pretty sweet to me yesterday, as well. I really appreciate how supportive he is.



He considers this his official 36th birthday pic (which I think he took somewhere around 5am this morning while I was asleep). I'm fond of his hat because it features a red "r" on it and was a present from me.

Anyway, Happy Birthday Robert!

Mah

I said, MAH!

Do you ever feel like your existence is a burden? That's how I feel today.

Inner dialogue: "But feelings are not facts."

True me: "Screw you."

I actually called in sick today and then went in anyway (2 minutes late, mind you, but there none the less). Based on how the day is going, I should have stayed the hell home. My logic in going in anyway was I would feel worse if I stayed home.

Not so.

And every other student I'm dealing with today has a ridiculous request, and I quote, "Can you tell me what the totals will be on my T4A for the 2007 tax year?"

Me: "Screw you." (internally) What I actually did was sigh heavily, put both my hands on the back of my neck in a short impromptu massage, and phone a co-worker for emotional support (no, I'm not joking).

So far I've walked away from my front desk twice to "center myself", as a co-worker put it, and I've already cried twice (no, not openly in front of the student).

Sigh.

I guess I know what I'm doing when I phone in sick. But my boss and I are trying "creative vacationing" to plan for these types of days in advance, so I was hoping the long weekend would have carried me through to a couple of extra days off later in the month.

Alas.

Now that's a good looking couple...

A year ago today Rob and I met at a Second Cup. He was staring out at the front door waiting for me to arrive and I came out of the bathroom behind him. For whatever (unplanned) reason, I stepped up quietly and softly blew in his ear. I'll never forget the expression on his face when he turned around--it was a mixture of "who exactly is this woman, and why is she blowing in my ear" (it was actually quite similiar to that photo from when we were moving).
: )

We sat nervously across from one another sipping our hot chocolates, and made banal conversation. In the parking lot after we were doing the don't-want-to-say-goodbye-thing-while-freezing-our-asses-off, and I felt a real spark between us. He looked down and away and it hit me very distinctly in that moment. I've mentioned this before but afterwards when I got home, I sat in my car for a bit just listening to music and thinking about the encounter.

Our first date was a few nights later at a Doc Walker concert, and after our first slow dance, it was all over for me. : ) I remember the feel of him pressed up against me, the smell of his shower gel slightly teasing my senses, and the energy between us.

A year later, we consider Doc Walker "our" band, I often sleep in a Doc Walker t-shirt from one of their concerts, and we've just moved in together. We've shared a vacation together, a few anxious moments, and much laughing and love.

I thank God everyday for who Rob is and that I have him in my life. : )

What a wonderful year, indeed.

I like to move it move it

Actually, after fifteen odd relocations over the course of my adult life, I really dislike moving--I was simply looking for a catchy title. Or I wanted to get this song stuck in your head. : )

Regardless, insert the cliche-- I've pulled the trigger, shacked up, I'm living in sin, people (and I love it).

The day began at at 8am by picking up our truck from Budget (which ended up costing an unGodly amount, much to my dismay, but I was unwilling to give Uhaul more of my business after a particularly bad experience when I moved here and began using their storage facilities in 2005). The weather was overcast and glacial, with a penetrating wind that left me chilled and tired for much of the evening after.

My fabulous friends Jorgie and Mike assisted, along with my sweet brother Kyle--who have all seen and helped move me way too many times over the years. Actually, I think the only reason Michael participated was to make sure I would break a sweat (he maintains I slacked off badly during the last two moves while everyone else did the grunt work. Considering the last time I was hungover from an emotional night of tequila and granola bars, I can't necessarily argue. However, both of my previous relocations happened inside the space of a week from the initial decision to the actual move, so I think I have a defense).



Anyway, if Robert had little reservation prior to the day, he certainly looked stunned and slightly overwhelmed when he saw my storage closet jammed to its maximum capacity. In an effort to get as much in there as possible, it was a creative "tetris puzzle of packing" (to quote him). Even at that, I ended up with 4 or 5 car loads of stuff stored at my parent's over the past two years. As the day wore on we were lucky enough to get rid of a few things, but Rob still threatened to hang out in the back of the moving truck and throw out anything he deemed unnecessary along the trip (which would have been most everything, I'm sure).

What was worse is he had the opportunity to read each box as he moved it and probably wondered why I was saving and packing all that crap to begin with (such as "poker appy units", and "poker dishes and books", to name a few). Never mind that every other box was literally marked as fragile (so many so, I thought the label would start to lose its effect and marked newer boxes as "very fragile"). : )

Before ending up at Rob's place (a spacious townhouse decorated Santa Fe style), we stopped to pick up our new furniture from Bedroom Outfitters (our first purchase together!), which was very exciting for me. I'm also proud to say I did the driving (aside from any tricky maneuvers executed by Kyle), which was oddly empowering. I was a bit charged to be commanding a 16 foot truck down the Deerfoot and propelling my things towards a new beginning.

Our first official night was spent cooking dinner together followed by watching Rocky IV (I am now hooked on the series and disappointed it's coming to an end, believe it or not). Now that I'm here, I'll be spending my time not taking things personally and just recovering from the general stress that such a change brings on (regardless of how positive or thrilling).

But as I mentioned before, if there is anyone worth taking a risk with, it's Rob.

It feels a bit like the last Calvin and Hobbes comic strip: