Coming Together

The wedding details are coming together. Last weekend my Mom and sister-in-law Vicki helped pick out the flower girl dresses. The Bay happened to have a decent section of little girl's dresses. We ended up with the brand Thy Thy--if that means anything to anyone. Regardless, the dresses themselves are quite cute. They're gold and ivory with a princess puffy skirt speckled with tiny ivory flowers across the outer layer. The bodice is covered in gold beads and iredescent sequins and has a sheer patch of fabric running up to the neck, which is surrounded by little fake crystals. Very charming! Emma couldn't stand still long enough for me to get a proper look. She twirled and jumped and kept running around the store in it.

And it so happened there were only two of those dresses, a size ten and four, so we bought both. I express mailed the second one to Mercedes (Rob's niece) and it fits. : ) On Saturday my mom, my other sister-in-law Debbie, and my niece, Autumn, and I picked out her junior bridesmaid dress--which is also quite charming. It's a solid satin black, and has a black satin bow running around the waist. In the midst of all that, Debbie and I also both ended up with a dress! Mine is basically a black, evening wedding dress, which is bloody phenomenal, and will be lovely to wear for the dinner being held in our honor at the National Golf Club in Toronto (hosted by Rob's parents) a week after our wedding.

Rob even called his mom in the middle of the dress shop to ask her opinion of the dress. She said, "If you love the dress, buy it. Nevermind what anyone else thinks." Who can argue with logic like that? It was quite fun. A huge family bonding moment, for sure. Rob said afterwards that would have made his mom happy, as she must be missing out on the planning. But she and his Dad are busy co-ordinating the parties out in Toronto, so that's got to be keeping them busy.

This is where the fun begins.

Yesterday I went to Ikea with Rob and Jorge, and his little guy Saul (our ring bearer), to look at vases for our center pieces. I've purchased orange submersible LED lights to sit at the bottom of every vase. The lights will be covered in clear rocks, water, and will feature white Gerber daisies sprouting out the tops. I bought two different vases and will try two different styles.

The shawls for the bridesmaids were ordered online from an Ebay "boutique" and just came in. The person hand-dyed them to match a photo which I hope approximates the color of the groomsmen's vests (a specific shade of orange). I was going to head down to Moores today and check how well they really match the vests, but I was distracted and had a nap instead. Wedding planning can be very tiring. : D

Plus, I had to save energy to play the last softball game of the season tonight--a double header in the rain--where I managed to hit three doubles in the second game. I'm feeling rather satisfied at this moment (though exhausted and terribly sore). Luckily I took tomorrow off, so that should aid in my recovery.

Under Pressure

I'm really starting to feel the stress of planning a wedding. I wonder how people with intense and demanding jobs manage it at the same time? I'm also wondering how the day could possibly hold up to expectations because of the amount of planning going into it. To a certain degree, it seems as though it has to be anti-climatic on a few levels because of the yearlong effort required for creating the one day. People always say more planning goes into the wedding than the marriage, but I don't see how that can be avoided when you consider everything necessary to pull off a wedding (big or small).

Sigh.

I'm also highly sensitive about the family drama arising out of the planning. Very few of my extended family are invited for many, many reasons. With my first wedding, the cousins I invited called my friend's Mother to decline the invitation at the last minute (don't ask me--clearly they're people with poor to no social skills, and chickenshits). No surprise I'm not sending an invitation to them this time. They also couldn't be bothered to attend the funeral for my brother's stepson, yet he still hangs out with them.

Does having standards that include not putting up with people's crap mean I'm always going to be standing alone with nothing but my principles and values as companions? Am I not forgiving, or am I simply upholding a clear set of standards?

Dr Phil says, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" Well, happiness for me does not include being treated poorly by people and turning a blind eye. Forgiveness to me includes someone asking for forgiveness. To me the equation for forgiveness involves a person being accountable for their actions, recognizing their poor behavior, and then taking responsibility through an apology. This is clearly unique in the face of the family I'm unfortunatley related to.

Normally I can manage these feelings, but the wedding is bringing them to the forefront because I'm making a conscious effort to not include people for the sake of familial obligation (which I don't believe anyone should indulge if they are being treated poorly by their so-called relatives). Doesn't it make sense to not invite a family member if I know they dislike me and truly do not wish me well? Am I really expected to take a chance by including them in an invitation only for them to show up with the intention of ruining this special day? Or wait for them to pull some drama at the last minute to draw attention to themselves? I strongly believe if someone can not show up for you during one of the biggest celebrations in your life, then why show up at all.

After the wedding I'm cutting all the dead weight from my life.

And I expect nothing less from anyone who knows me, which is maybe why I'm ostracized by my extended family to begin with.