Thursday, December 07, 2006

7 working hours

until we leave! Whooo....!

I'm excited and stressed out about this trip. What if I forget something? What if I feel atroscious in a swim suit? What if the mother hates me?

What if I have the best time ever? : )

Travelling is a little stressful, to say the least. And the boy tells me I have to be calm so he can be the spaz traveller. : ) I think I can manage that. Generally in most relationships one person will be emotional forcing the other to be calmer, which basically balances it all out.


2 sleeps (1 and a half really, as we get up at 3:30 to be at the airport--ugh)

It's going to be great!

Some number of hours...

until I leave for San Diego/Cabo San Lucas. Yay. : )

Of course, I have to get up at an unGodly hour that morning, but none the less, it'll be worthwhile.

I'm going with the boyfriend, and I have to say, I'm really not used to getting less attention from him. I think he's spoiled me. With us heading on this trip, he seems more distracted (which I interpret as less interested--sigh). Hopefully that's not accurate. After the whole divorce thing, I can be sensitive when it comes to how much attention I'm receiving from my partner (read: how much of a priority I am to him).

That's a real downside to divorce(what a ridulous thing to say, but). I wonder if the baggage ever goes away? I can feel my "hackles rising" in response to less attention, and it feels a little familiar with what I experienced previously. But I also find these particular buttons to be already half pushed, so it can be hard for me to determine how accurate my perception is.

I do find my internal reaction to be somewhat reassuring however, as I've been concerned I would put up with the same amount of shit from a new person that I put up with from the past person. My internal reaction being: "I will never put up with the same shit I did before; I will never chase a man; I will not spend any amount of time waiting for someone to realize how wonderful I am." Sounds like bullshit, but what other choice do I have? It took me 3 years to finally get angry about the whole thing, so I'm more adamant than ever that I not put myself through a similar ordeal.

I'm also surprised I would ever consider remarrying, as I would be a good candidate to be bitter for life. : ) But I'm unwilling to waste anymore of my time on the past, and I'm determined to move forward in all capacities.

So, move forward then.

26 hours until the trip. : )

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

3 days and counting

As the title indicates, there are only three more days until I'm in San Diego (I can't thank God enough, frankly), and then I'll be on the lovely shores of Mexico. I'm afraid the time will fly by and it'll be over before I know it! What will I look forward to then? Moving out of my parents place, that's what (more on that later). :D

There are only a few downsides to the trip(but they are down). : ) I happened to have insulted my boyfriend's mother (sigh), and I have to appear in a swim suit--which I hardly prepared for (perhaps even prepared against, she says as she eats ketchup flavored potato chips to feed the stress created from an early morning irate parent hell bent on bullying me). Mah. 3 days indeed.

How did I offend the mother? Some little email snafu (use your imagination, it's accurate enough). I suppose though, if those are the least of my concerns, I'm doing alright. But still, in my mind my little mix up virtually guarantees me a hellish relationship with her, and should she ever be anything more than "my boyfriend's mother", that could be really unpleasant. Mmm.

Alas. Back to my parents. I need to move out. With me in the house, all my parent's do is focus on what I am and am not doing (am I turing off the lights, rinsing the tub, cleaning my room...). It's a non-stop exercise in humility. On the weekend my Dad was "tidying" my storage area (being the corner of the basement) and wigged out. He said, "I'm tired of pussy footing around that girl!" Right. Cause if he's not yelling at me 24 hours a day (literally) for not putting the lid on the milk "tight enough", or for some other stupid shit, then clearly I'm either taking them for granted or personally going out of my way to disrepect them. (insert large bolded profanity).

I had decided to stay until next October when my car will be paid off, but man...I really don't know if I can do it. I can't afford to buy a place, so I'll be a permanent renter--another issue which depresses the hell out of me. Did I mention divorce sucks?

Did I mention I have 3 days to vacation?