Some number of hours...

until I leave for San Diego/Cabo San Lucas. Yay. : )

Of course, I have to get up at an unGodly hour that morning, but none the less, it'll be worthwhile.

I'm going with the boyfriend, and I have to say, I'm really not used to getting less attention from him. I think he's spoiled me. With us heading on this trip, he seems more distracted (which I interpret as less interested--sigh). Hopefully that's not accurate. After the whole divorce thing, I can be sensitive when it comes to how much attention I'm receiving from my partner (read: how much of a priority I am to him).

That's a real downside to divorce(what a ridulous thing to say, but). I wonder if the baggage ever goes away? I can feel my "hackles rising" in response to less attention, and it feels a little familiar with what I experienced previously. But I also find these particular buttons to be already half pushed, so it can be hard for me to determine how accurate my perception is.

I do find my internal reaction to be somewhat reassuring however, as I've been concerned I would put up with the same amount of shit from a new person that I put up with from the past person. My internal reaction being: "I will never put up with the same shit I did before; I will never chase a man; I will not spend any amount of time waiting for someone to realize how wonderful I am." Sounds like bullshit, but what other choice do I have? It took me 3 years to finally get angry about the whole thing, so I'm more adamant than ever that I not put myself through a similar ordeal.

I'm also surprised I would ever consider remarrying, as I would be a good candidate to be bitter for life. : ) But I'm unwilling to waste anymore of my time on the past, and I'm determined to move forward in all capacities.

So, move forward then.


26 hours until the trip. : )