Hey, where we going today...

A more beautiful day could not have been had.

I wasn't really nervous as I had my hair done with Suzy by my side. There were only a few butterflies while the ladies and Jorge buzzed about me as my makeup was applied. And when we left on time, I felt relatively calm during the hour ride to the chapel at Rafter Six Ranch.

My first bit of excitement came when I saw people through a side window arriving at the Ranch. The bridal party was off in a little room waiting for the horse drawn carriage to come pick up us up for the ceremony at 1pm. I checked and re-checked my make-up in a little compact Amanda had given me in my "Bride survival kit" -- complete with a little engagement photo of Rob and I, which I made sure to set up while I did my pre-ceremony primping. Suzy made sure I had a snack, Jorge was busy at my beck and call, and I remember feeling genuinely cared for by these supportive and wonderful people I'm so blessed to call my friends.

The carriage was a cute thing, all white, complete with a little heart shaped window that peeked out the back. As we slowly made our way through the field to the chapel, I was focused on the beauty of the mountains around us so I would be able to vividly recall the moment. As the chapel came into view, I became teary eyed seeing people lined along its steps to catch a glimpse of us as we came up.

When the chapel doors opened and the ladies and Jorge filed in, my dad was a bit nervous as he took my arm to lead me. I remember Rob's expression when he first saw me and how he had to look away because he was so filled with emotion. I forgot to go "slow" down the aisle and carry my "bouquet low" as Amanda had previously advised. : ) I was bursting with happiness to finally be there and see everyone smiling around me. The love and support surrounding us was uplifting.

Looking across from my sweet Robert at the alter, I tried to absorb every word and be completely present throughout our vows. I rarely stopped smiling. When we signed the registry and Rob's best man Rod stepped in as a witness, I noticed a few of his tears hit the table as he struggled to compose himself. When we finally faced our friends and family as Mr and Mrs, "Rocket Girl" swelled up from our musicians, Dolce and Amante, on flute and acoustic guitar. That's when I was overcome with emotion.

"Dream your dreams in my ear, just get me out of here, fly me around this world, Rocket Girl..." The flute acted as the vocals.

Outside we were flitting about getting in place for the receiving line when the chapel bells started ringing out above. I looked to the blue sky where the cross was illuminated among white clouds, and it was as though God was pronouncing us husband and wife. It was magical.


We made our way slowly through the fields and along the ranch property to get the remainder of our photos taken before heading back to the city as the rain came. Rob, Warren and I checked into the Sheraton, where Rob and I would make our own honeymoon suite--most of it thanks to Vicki who put together a little package with rose scented petals, and champagne and glasses. I simply added the music and little bride and groom duckies for the jacuzzi tub--not to mention all the fun lingerie I'd already been given at my bridal shower! ; )

The reception itself was absolutely lovely. The Rotary House still had its Stampede decorations up, so the log cabin had more country accents then normal which added a classy touch to the natural beauty of the venue. The ceiling was twined with twinkling white lights, and pseudo candle chandeliers hung all around. The centerpieces were charming square vases filled with clear rocks alit by orange immersible LED lights, and were topped with white Gerber daisies surrounded by delightful greenery (which poor Vicki and Kyle essentially assembled prior to cocktails starting).

Our MC was my close friend, Sean, a former broadcasting classmate who carried the evening off brilliantly with wonderful "he said, she said" snippets from Rob and I, which captured the essence of both our relationship and our personalities. My brother Darrin said grace before the meal, a "Cowboy buffet" complete with slow roasted ribs, steak, coleslaw, western Caesar salad and a warm apple berry crisp for dessert. We decided to have cupcakes instead of wedding cake and served those as more of a late night snack. The topper was a little cowboy groom dancing with a cowgirl bride. Our favors were orange and white M&M's which had "Tiffany & Robert" on one and our wedding date on the other.

Our first dance was as meaningful as I anticipated it would be. I was able to block out everyone around us and just feel the lyrics of "Should I fall behind" while Rob and I swayed to the music.

We danced, we sang, and we were full. Full of happiness, love and each other. Full of gratitude for the people who made the day a success and who came out to genuinely celebrate with us.

It was perfect.

On our last Anniversary, I wrote in Rob's card, "I always hoped a love like this was possible. Thank you for making that dream a reality every day."

I love hearing Rob call me his wife, and I feel a thrill each time I see his wedding ring catch the light. I feel different as his wife and I'm thankful for it.

A couple in love

A year ago today, my sweet Robert proposed. The above photo is from our recent engagement session (we found our photographer on a local message board, and clearly the wedding pictures will be fabulous). Today we go and pick up our marriage license. In less than a month I will get to say, "This is my husband, Robert." : )

As much as I generally do not like wedding planning, it's been alright. I'm excited about the fun details, things like our bouquets, the wedding favors, our cupcake topper--unfortunatley none of which I can be more specific, so I don't spoil any of the surprise.

I'm excited for our day to arrive!

I really don't have much else to add. I've more than captured from blog to blog how much Rob means to me, and just how grateful and happy I am to share a life with him. We are partners in a grand lifelong adventure. Thank God.

I am truly blessed.


This photo took my breath away. : )

Thank God all the other photographers I was considering didn't bother getting back to me.

Coming Together

The wedding details are coming together. Last weekend my Mom and sister-in-law Vicki helped pick out the flower girl dresses. The Bay happened to have a decent section of little girl's dresses. We ended up with the brand Thy Thy--if that means anything to anyone. Regardless, the dresses themselves are quite cute. They're gold and ivory with a princess puffy skirt speckled with tiny ivory flowers across the outer layer. The bodice is covered in gold beads and iredescent sequins and has a sheer patch of fabric running up to the neck, which is surrounded by little fake crystals. Very charming! Emma couldn't stand still long enough for me to get a proper look. She twirled and jumped and kept running around the store in it.

And it so happened there were only two of those dresses, a size ten and four, so we bought both. I express mailed the second one to Mercedes (Rob's niece) and it fits. : ) On Saturday my mom, my other sister-in-law Debbie, and my niece, Autumn, and I picked out her junior bridesmaid dress--which is also quite charming. It's a solid satin black, and has a black satin bow running around the waist. In the midst of all that, Debbie and I also both ended up with a dress! Mine is basically a black, evening wedding dress, which is bloody phenomenal, and will be lovely to wear for the dinner being held in our honor at the National Golf Club in Toronto (hosted by Rob's parents) a week after our wedding.

Rob even called his mom in the middle of the dress shop to ask her opinion of the dress. She said, "If you love the dress, buy it. Nevermind what anyone else thinks." Who can argue with logic like that? It was quite fun. A huge family bonding moment, for sure. Rob said afterwards that would have made his mom happy, as she must be missing out on the planning. But she and his Dad are busy co-ordinating the parties out in Toronto, so that's got to be keeping them busy.

This is where the fun begins.

Yesterday I went to Ikea with Rob and Jorge, and his little guy Saul (our ring bearer), to look at vases for our center pieces. I've purchased orange submersible LED lights to sit at the bottom of every vase. The lights will be covered in clear rocks, water, and will feature white Gerber daisies sprouting out the tops. I bought two different vases and will try two different styles.

The shawls for the bridesmaids were ordered online from an Ebay "boutique" and just came in. The person hand-dyed them to match a photo which I hope approximates the color of the groomsmen's vests (a specific shade of orange). I was going to head down to Moores today and check how well they really match the vests, but I was distracted and had a nap instead. Wedding planning can be very tiring. : D

Plus, I had to save energy to play the last softball game of the season tonight--a double header in the rain--where I managed to hit three doubles in the second game. I'm feeling rather satisfied at this moment (though exhausted and terribly sore). Luckily I took tomorrow off, so that should aid in my recovery.

Under Pressure

I'm really starting to feel the stress of planning a wedding. I wonder how people with intense and demanding jobs manage it at the same time? I'm also wondering how the day could possibly hold up to expectations because of the amount of planning going into it. To a certain degree, it seems as though it has to be anti-climatic on a few levels because of the yearlong effort required for creating the one day. People always say more planning goes into the wedding than the marriage, but I don't see how that can be avoided when you consider everything necessary to pull off a wedding (big or small).

Sigh.

I'm also highly sensitive about the family drama arising out of the planning. Very few of my extended family are invited for many, many reasons. With my first wedding, the cousins I invited called my friend's Mother to decline the invitation at the last minute (don't ask me--clearly they're people with poor to no social skills, and chickenshits). No surprise I'm not sending an invitation to them this time. They also couldn't be bothered to attend the funeral for my brother's stepson, yet he still hangs out with them.

Does having standards that include not putting up with people's crap mean I'm always going to be standing alone with nothing but my principles and values as companions? Am I not forgiving, or am I simply upholding a clear set of standards?

Dr Phil says, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" Well, happiness for me does not include being treated poorly by people and turning a blind eye. Forgiveness to me includes someone asking for forgiveness. To me the equation for forgiveness involves a person being accountable for their actions, recognizing their poor behavior, and then taking responsibility through an apology. This is clearly unique in the face of the family I'm unfortunatley related to.

Normally I can manage these feelings, but the wedding is bringing them to the forefront because I'm making a conscious effort to not include people for the sake of familial obligation (which I don't believe anyone should indulge if they are being treated poorly by their so-called relatives). Doesn't it make sense to not invite a family member if I know they dislike me and truly do not wish me well? Am I really expected to take a chance by including them in an invitation only for them to show up with the intention of ruining this special day? Or wait for them to pull some drama at the last minute to draw attention to themselves? I strongly believe if someone can not show up for you during one of the biggest celebrations in your life, then why show up at all.

After the wedding I'm cutting all the dead weight from my life.

And I expect nothing less from anyone who knows me, which is maybe why I'm ostracized by my extended family to begin with.

This too shall pass

And it does. You never feel when it's a bad day, or week (or Easter dinner) that it's going to end, but it does. And what a difference a week makes.

I had my ipod on while I was walking to work this morning. "If I should fall behind", by Bruce Springsteen and the E Street band was playing. This is the first song Rob and I will dance to on our wedding day. : ) Since we got engaged, we've been pondering what that first dance song should be. We share many meaningful songs, but with both of us being so into music we wanted the lyrics to be just right.

The first time Rob showed me the video for this song (from the Springsteen video anthology) it was sometime early in the relationship, and I cried. The lyrics made me sad because that's how I imagined marriage to be and that's clearly not how my first marriage was.

"We said we'd walk together baby come what may
That come the twilight should we lose our way
If as we're walkin a hand should slip free
I'll wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me."

A year and a half later, current day: Rob was playing another video concert by Bruce Springsteen which featured a live version of this song (if you haven't figured it out, Bruce is Rob's favourite artist). Hearing the lyrics again, they sounded like wedding vows to me. I thought it would be the perfect first song and Rob agreed.

Back to this morning, the sun was out and the air was crisp as I walked to work. While the song played, I imagined what it would feel like dancing with Rob on our wedding day. He and I have a history of dancing together. : ) We slow danced on our first date to Doc Walker, as mentioned many times, and it was this first dance which captivated me. During our two-step lessons at Ranchman's, I fell in love with Rob, and it was standing across from him on the dance floor when I thought, "This is what it will feel like when we stand across from one another to get married." Then Rob proposed to me on the dance floor during a Doc Walker concert.

I was smiling and filled with love when I got to work. I thanked God for bringing Rob into my life and for blessing me in so many other ways.

This Friday marks our two year Anniversary. While we were at the Flames game on Saturday night, Rob had a pleasant surprise for me:



Need I say more?

Wedding steps

I have one thing checked off my wedding "to do" list--I bought a dress! Well, my mom dragged me out dress shopping, and it was surprisingly successful, so she actually bought it. : ) I say "surprisingly" successful because I already had a dress (which she was apparently horrified I was considering wearing).


My original dress is a "clean" version of the corpse bride dress I wore for Halloween a few years back. I picked up two identical dresses on sale because they were so pretty. I had no intention of buying a wedding dress that day, but when I tried it on, it looked so nice I figured I didn't have anything to lose (except $20). The comment I got most as the corpse bride was, "That's really a pretty dress." And that was ripped, torn, and covered in oil and mud! Two years later, I tried it on again and still thought it was just as lovely (yes, I realize you can't really see the dress in this photo). : )

But of course I found something even more lovely. I didn't go to wedding dress stores the first time around, (I bought some kind of cream colored dress from a random store) so I was quite nervous. I even made sure to dress up a bit, lest I be treated as though I "didn't belong" in any of the dress shops (I have hang ups about growing up in a lower economic area of the city, and have always felt as though I was uneducated and uncouth). Add to that I've never had any exposure to wedding planning, and always thought actual wedding stores would be intimidating and out of my price range (I didn't realize there were all kinds of shops with all kinds of ranges). Considering my mom thought Rob's parents would see my original dress as a "bargain shop" dress, I come across some of my hang ups naturally!

Anyway, my mom was clearly in her glory pulling out dress after dress for me to try on, and we came across a hit pretty early in. It's a rather romantic dress, which is quite flattering (obviously), and is just generally charming. My mom made the comment I must like it the most as I had it on "longer than all the others", which I didn't realize. But not wanting to spend money I didn't have to, I wanted to bring out a few other people for a final decision.

The next day I took my original dress over to Suzy's, (one of my brides maids who has no socio-economic hang ups, is quite level headed and proudly bought her wedding dress for a mere $12) so she could have a frame of reference for when she saw me in the second dress. Suzy agreed with me about the first dress being quite pretty, but after seeing me in the second one, she hated to admit it, said it went against all her principles, but she thought I should buy it. So, decision made, we wrapped it up and took it home. I ended up trying it on again back at her place for my other brides maid, Amanda, and I think she even got a bit of a tear in her eye!

Of course, I couldn't escape wedding dress shopping without at least one classic mother comment, which I understand for the most part is rather common. Amanda's came in response to her questioning her mom about why she wasn't tearing up at seeing Amanda try on wedding dresses, to which she got, "Well, 1 in 2 marriages end in divorce, you know."

Mine came while I was wearing the dress in question (which has a small champagne colored band across the top). My mom was asking the shop attendant what she thought about the dress, as compared to another, and said, "You see, this is her second wedding. So, don't you think this would be more appropriate?" Gasp! I said, "Well, maybe I should just get a scarlet letter emblazoned on the back. That ought to make it obvious."

I suppose wedding planning would not be complete without at least a little drama.

Rob suggested I wear the other wedding dress out during my bachelorette party, which I didn't plan on having, but that's such a fun idea, now I must! : D

Let the games begin

Rob was surprised I could still be admiring my ring after this length of time (this length of time being just over a month since the proposal). "Are you kidding?" I said. "This will carry a glow for me for quite some time."

Is this unusual? I go through different stages where I'm admiring the ring more or less depending on my mood and the day. Today I've been looking down a fair bit at my sparkling jewel. Is it because it's symbolic, or simply the fascination new jewelery generally brings? Or worse, am I just materialistic? Mmmmm... I've actually thought about this.

The engagement occurred quickly within the early stages of us living together; I thought Rob wouldn't get around to it until later in the year, especially with his new job (I thought he would be otherwise preoccupied with getting used to my crap laying everywhere around the house, and managing the stress a new job brings). When he proposed, I was a little surprised he didn't need more time to decide to spend the rest of his life with me. : )

When I look down at my ring, I'm reassured he's committed. I know there are never any guarantees, but I take the symbol of the ring seriously and I'm happy knowing he's in it for the long haul. I'm especially happy I don't have to worry about whether or not he's in it for the long haul.

Now we just have to plan the bloody wedding. Sigh. I'm not the kind of woman who's always dreamt of the "special day". It causes me a fair bit of stress and anxiety imagining everything that needs doing. But, I'd like a lovely day to remember (especially after all the regrets I felt after the first one), so I've decided I need to get the hell over it and get the hell on it.

: )

Whew

I am finally emerging from under my summer cold spell. This morning was the first day in weeks where I haven't awoken in a drug induced fog, rushed to get ready by skipping eyeshadow and selected the easiest clothes to find and put on, then raced to work only to pay to park.

This morning I was up early, downloaded a few iTunes, ate breakfast with my sweet man, and got to work with plenty of time to walk in and even check email. I feel pretty damn good!

And I'm engaged! What fun is that? The proposal itself was perfect. My Robert was on bended knee on the dance floor of a Doc Walker concert during the Stampede. A D.W. concert was the site of our first date, and during one of the first two slow songs we ever danced to is when Rob said he hoped it would last forever. Then he told me he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and suddenly he had his cowboy hat off, was down on one knee, and the ring was sparkling in the light upturned to me. The women around us had parted in a small circle and were screaming and congratulating us. Afterwards the guys from the band came out for autographs and we had our picture taken with them. What a wonderful, memorable night!



Now I don't have to worry about skating around all the taboo dating topcis, like kids. It's nice to be able to openly discuss our future together and everything that entails. It's also nice to simply know I get to "keep" my Robert, as I like to put it. : ) For as long as the fates will allow, anyway.

You'd think I'd be leery about going around this block again, but this time I'm going to do it right. I have more to offer as a partner, and I'm careful to absorb and appreciate as many happy moments as possible. There are many times when I bask in a shared moment with Rob and I'm thanking God all the while. And all the love and fun we have together will continue, that's the best part. This is what it's supposed to be like. Finally.


This is truly worth all the hell I've been through. I'm blessed and feel incredibly lucky.