Under Pressure

I'm really starting to feel the stress of planning a wedding. I wonder how people with intense and demanding jobs manage it at the same time? I'm also wondering how the day could possibly hold up to expectations because of the amount of planning going into it. To a certain degree, it seems as though it has to be anti-climatic on a few levels because of the yearlong effort required for creating the one day. People always say more planning goes into the wedding than the marriage, but I don't see how that can be avoided when you consider everything necessary to pull off a wedding (big or small).

Sigh.

I'm also highly sensitive about the family drama arising out of the planning. Very few of my extended family are invited for many, many reasons. With my first wedding, the cousins I invited called my friend's Mother to decline the invitation at the last minute (don't ask me--clearly they're people with poor to no social skills, and chickenshits). No surprise I'm not sending an invitation to them this time. They also couldn't be bothered to attend the funeral for my brother's stepson, yet he still hangs out with them.

Does having standards that include not putting up with people's crap mean I'm always going to be standing alone with nothing but my principles and values as companions? Am I not forgiving, or am I simply upholding a clear set of standards?

Dr Phil says, "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?" Well, happiness for me does not include being treated poorly by people and turning a blind eye. Forgiveness to me includes someone asking for forgiveness. To me the equation for forgiveness involves a person being accountable for their actions, recognizing their poor behavior, and then taking responsibility through an apology. This is clearly unique in the face of the family I'm unfortunatley related to.

Normally I can manage these feelings, but the wedding is bringing them to the forefront because I'm making a conscious effort to not include people for the sake of familial obligation (which I don't believe anyone should indulge if they are being treated poorly by their so-called relatives). Doesn't it make sense to not invite a family member if I know they dislike me and truly do not wish me well? Am I really expected to take a chance by including them in an invitation only for them to show up with the intention of ruining this special day? Or wait for them to pull some drama at the last minute to draw attention to themselves? I strongly believe if someone can not show up for you during one of the biggest celebrations in your life, then why show up at all.

After the wedding I'm cutting all the dead weight from my life.

And I expect nothing less from anyone who knows me, which is maybe why I'm ostracized by my extended family to begin with.