Times they are a changin

I'm really not a fan of change. I think some people truly embrace it, but I'm not one of them. Even the slightest of changes can cause anxiety to build in my stomach. When I was younger, I remember getting stressed out when my boyfriend wanted to sell his car. But let's be honest, there isn't much that doesn't provoke at least some level of anxiety in me.

This morning one of my co-workers announced she was being seconded (another dept takes the employee for a set period of time, with their original position being retained until the secondment is over--usually for some kind of project). Typically a secondment is temporary, but I have yet to see any of the Universitie's seconded employees return to their original positions, as invariably a new position gets created out of the secondment.

So, in the middle of the morning meeting-- I don't want to say I burst into tears, but the tears started and I was having a hard time getting my emotions under control. I was praying the meeting would end quickly and wondering what the hell I could think of to try and stem my feelings. For the rest of the day people asked me if I was alright (a few even hugged me), and the co-worker in question was a little awkward with me (not so hard to understand). Sigh. I'd rather it wasn't obvious I like some people much more than they might like me.

It's times like these when I wish I were a man. Could you imagine a guy bursting into tears when a co-worker announces their departure? I think I would start laughing out loud, it would be so ridiculous. This simply would never happen, not even with a gay guy.

And I can't tell if I'm just emotional, or really bad at goodbyes. I remember crying at the goodbye party for one of our managers leaving A.M.A, and I'd hardly been there a year and barely knew him. I also avoided going to my own farewell party at A-Channel, though I'm still not entirely convinced one actually occurred. Mmmm... I really didn't think I was such an emotional person (though when I said this to a friend she just kind of raised her eyebrows).

Rob was also having a hard time understanding how this co-worker's secondment affected me, but it's as simple as she is an excellent colleague and our department is rather unstable, so we need every anchor we can get. Never mind the other support she provides (that thought alone is enough to get my eyes welling again). She also started at the University not long after me, so I've been working with her almost my entire time here, which will be two years in ten days.

Of course it's a good opportunity for her, and very few people will remain in my department over time, but I feel quite affected none the less. With planning a wedding during the next year (possibly followed by a family), I'm not really on some big crazy career train. Inevitably I'm going to see many people come and go. And I'm clearly not ready for anyone to go (never mind her). : (

I could be hormonal, or even a bit tired, as I thought a burglar was trying to break in around 1am last night and had a hard time settling down after waking Rob up for us to search the whole house (we did not find anyone, but I think someone took their trash out and the garbage bin gates are jarringly loud).

Mah.


When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door we do not see the one which has been opened before us. ~ Helen Keller