Victory could only smell as good as a stale cigarette. That's what ran through my head when I opened the door and was enveloped in a fog of smoke. Anxiety began its familiar flutter in my stomach and I wondered what the hell I was doing here and why I had signed up for this. In a soft voice I told the poker room pit boss my name and fumbled as I dropped my wrinkled money on the table. I considered forty dollars a lot; I'm unemployed for the month of June, still havn't received my ROE from work, and was recently told my job would have to be posted and I'd have to reapply. Nice. Like the sixty or so others who'd entered the poker tournament, I really wanted to win.
My seat card placed me at table 4, seat 1. I was relieved the gaming spot light would not shine immediately on me, as I would have the benefit of starting on the "button". Nine other players would have to place their bets before me, giving me plenty of time to watch and wait, and warm up to the competitive atmosphere. I was nervous about looking like a first timer. Although I had a previous bit of casino tourney experience and had played many a home game, it was too easy recalling my last losing foray into casino Texas Hold-em. I had begun a cash game on tilt when I didn't realize it would cost me eighty to buy in. I didn't want to look cheap and walk away, but I had to borrow the money right there from Howie, and it went quickly down hill after that. In less than half an hour, I was out the door and owing him money.
Howie was also at table 4, in seat 4. That relaxed me even more, but he wasn't as happy. He's superstitious and is fond of pointing out that the last few times we've sat together and played at the same table, he's had shitty cards. I've done just fine on the other hand, but I'm not about to get that stuck in my head. He had just won over a hundred at Roulette and I caught myself thinking, I'm not lucky, as I watched him pull in pile after pile of lilac chips. None of my numbers hit and his first loss happened soon after I got there. I tried to quell my negative thoughts as he cashed in and we headed over to our table.
I was less than thrilled to see a few of the regulars sit down next to us. Bernie was a beach bottle blond who had long fake nails and was always seen carrying a beer and cigarette in the same hand. Tonight she had on her pokerstars.com jacket and I couldn't help rolling my eyes. Just looking at some people irritated me, and she always managed to live up to my expectations. Tonight was no disappointment.
Howie started off the first hand with pocket Aces. He limped in with a call of 25 and bet big when a queen and a couple of clubs showed up on the board. Bernie's eyebrows furrowed and her lips formed a sneer when she called. I folded along with everyone else. Another club came up on the turn and Howie put in almost half his stack. Her eyes narrowed as she called him once again. Nothing special showed up on the river and Howie went all in. Bernie shot him a look that said, what the fuck?! Shrugging her shoulders, her lips were pursed as she said, "May as well, fuck," and follwed by pushing all her chips in. I couldn't stop a smile when she flipped over her king and queen and then saw his two aces. She was royally pissed off and got up quickly and left, a black look distorting her drawn features even further. It was a harsh reminder for me not to lose control over my own emotions or impulses.
In my third casino tournament, I was the third person out and couldn't stop myself from crying when I got back to my car. More than wanting to avoid a repeat, I wanted to prove that not only could I play, I could win.
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