I've only spent the past five days being sick, so I haven't gotten much accomplished baby-wise. What would I have been doing instead of combating a cold? Cleaning house, setting up car seats (getting them inspected--did anyone else do this?), clearing my trunk, cooking and freezing meals...isn't that enough?
What have I been doing? Having breakfast at a decent hour (after being up in the middle of the night for a minimum 2 hours), watching TV or being distracted with the iPad, and napping (if you can call going back to bed for 2 -3 hours a nap). I'm quite anxious at the prospect of going through labour sick, and even more alarmed at the notion of trying to mother a newborn while sick. Seems like a cruel joke for my body to come down with an instantaneous cold that despite all the sleep in the world continues to progress--first from sinuses to throat then to chest (if that is even any kind of medical progression). I harbour images of struggling to recover from a C-section while coughing--delirious from a lack of sleep--wondering if I'm developing pneumonia as I breastfeed and fretfully analyze my own baby's health on an hourly basis. I've used this image as a big green light to do as little as possible in an attempt to coax my body back to health before labour and my life as a mother truly begins.
I was finally feeling a tad better today so I dragged Rob to dinner and a movie (and had to remind him that despite his lack of interest and energy he was banking "relationship points", as I really needed to get out and spend time as a couple in what will be the last of our non-baby time together). The movie was the Expendables by Sylvester Stallone (and I must say one big pile of BS), because of course the movie we wanted to see was sold out in Imax on a Saturday night (Inception). I have to keep reminding Rob we will have little time for things like this over the next 3 months, and any type of couple time will be a substantial effort on our part involving babysitters and the like.
During the movie the baby was of course periodically kicking about, and I started to experience what I believe is my body's labour preparation--sharp electrical type currents running down into my pelvis and of course pressure. I have occasionally felt my abdomen tightening, but is always a tricky assessment because my belly is obviously running out of room for the baby so always feels big and firm at this point.
At 39 weeks the doctor hasn't done any type of exam so I've no idea if my body has progressed in terms of dilation. All I know is the thought of it all starting in the next few days leaves me breathless, as I know this is going to be more intense than I could ever have imagined, and more tiring than I'm prepared for. I really hope those joyful moments come quickly and often to give me the energy to carry through to establishing a "natural routine" with the baby.
Of course I'm excited to meet the baby, but I'm also anxious about its health--not just during or after delivery but the sheer magnitude of taking care of a little person for the rest of his or her life. Will I recognize any medical issue requiring attention, do I take a baby CPR class--should I have done this already? My mom is at the stage where she would like to be updated constantly, which drives me bonkers though I know is natural on both sides, but when you're sick, is particularly taxing. Add to that the family drama continues to unfold and will always be an unfortunate backdrop to the story of my life.
Our prenatal class is equally exciting and anxiety provoking, as one after another new baby arrives. We have three bundles to date, and at least 2 more on the way with couples being absent last class. It's quite thrilling to see Rob swaddle the creepy baby dolls (labelled as "baby" in pen on their feet), and then practise again at home on Winnie the poo as we sit together in the baby's room (a very nice moment and memory, indeed).
The baby's room: a highlight for sure. I can't believe Rob let me go with such a bold colour, which he worried afterwards was too intense for the baby, but looks quite charming with the contrasting accents of pictures and such. I like to go in there and just sit, even though there are still a last few last touches to be made (crib needs assembly, curtains need to be hemmed and hung--and if it's a boy, one last picture to be purchased and placed. Baby, if you're a girl--we will celebrate and love you all the same!)
I knew pregnancy would not magically transform me into a serene and equally relaxed individual, I just pray my faith and fortitude carry me through the challenges new motherhood will inevitably bring, and that I will intrinsically feel it's all been worthwhile in the end (keeping in mind there is no end to being a parent).
Because after all of that, ready or not, Baby, here you come. : )
3 comments:
Do you find it interesting how excited the people around you get about your impending labour and delivery? Maybe it is because we have none of the anxiety when it is someone else. We are free to just anticipate the joy a new baby brings. You have a good grip on the reality. Know that the tiniest, teeniest bit of wonder from your baby (like a whisper of a sound made by a newborn while sleeping) will make all the harsh reality disappear, at least for a moment.
The colour of your baby's room is awesome!!! And I love the Dr. Seuss line from probably the best book ever!
To bad you missed Inception, it's really good.....but you do have time. And, I will say that as the "big day" approaches, you may find yourself wanting more and more distractions. Movies are great for that!
And really, nobody is ever ready for a new baby, no matter how prepared you are ;-) As long as you are there with open arms and an open heart, that's all they will really need.
It's lovely that you & Rob are spending some 'couple time' together. That is so important, and you're right to say it does become harder to do. Keep it a priority, and when you're ready, I'm offering myself as a babysitter!
I remember sitting in Rhys' room before he was born. There is something very calming about sitting in this perfect room, that we maticulously planned out for our baby. It feels safe and cocoon like, to sit there. The rest of the house might be in disaray, but that room remains calm and peaceful. That will continue once the baby is here, too.
You're also right to mention that none of us magically turn into someone we're not when we have kids. In fact, I think having kids can bring out, even more, the things we dislike about ourselves. But, babies also force us to rise to challenges we didn't think we could. And that is an amazing feeling.
And those joyful moments DO come quickly, and often - especially throughout that first year. It won't take much for your baby to transform you into a puddle on the floor...a grip of their tiny hand around your finger, a gassy smile while they sleep...there is so much joy in store for you - it isn't all bad, we promise!
You and Rob are ready for this, Tiff. This baby has no idea what a great life lays ahead for them...
As for your cold...all you can do is rest and drink water I suppose. It will be fine. Adrenaline can do miraculous things!
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