La

A breeze was pushing the hair back from my face. I squinted against the sun, but didn't have the luxury of feeling warm because of the damn wind. There hadn't been snow on the ground for some time now, but I started to shiver as I looked down at my pale feet. I hoped the sun would color them even slightly, but they looked as white as ever. At least the pale pink nail polish hadn't yet chipped.

I was sitting on the steps of my brother's house down near the curb, and could hear the sounds of the party going on inside. It was our Easter celebration. Emma's voice carried out to me, "Where's Aunty Lou?" I smiled, but was reluctant to draw attention to myself, not yet ready to give up my moment of peace.

There are many moments like this. I feel strangely at peace and quietly unsettled simultaneously. Like many, I'm sure on some level I think I'm an incredibly complex person as a result, but the truth is my life is much more luxurious than I give credit for, and I probably need to just get a few more passionate hobbies. I believe the problem is I'm looking for something external to fill the void, but that simply doesn't work, and if I'm to draw on some sort of inner inspiration or peace, where the hell do I get that from?

Where the hell indeed.