Friday, July 04, 2008
How do you comfort a friend?
When a soul is in anguish, the distance separating you from another is unbearably vast. Life presses against us--bruises us from the inside out. You wonder if anyone can reach you to give you the comfort desperately needed.
We want to comfort. Try to. But some of us don't know how, or where to begin.
When words are not enough and gestures seem meaningless because you don't honestly know what someone is going through, what then?
My reaction is to keep away. Be respectful and not continue reminding someone of their pain with my sad face or tears. And saying how sorry I am sounds trite and hollow.
When you're consumed with devastating emotions, everyone around you appears in a shadow. And you wonder at the cruelty of feeling the sun warming your face when inside you are cold all over.
That's when I pray. : ) My eyes close and I pray for God's healing love to wash over my friend in a white glow--sometimes for a person I've never met. I focus on surrounding them with loving energy and hope they feel the sense of comfort and peace I don't know how to give. And I pray for them to feel hope--to know they will come through, and on the other side of pain will be happiness once again.
I pray when you fall to your knees you realize you are in the position to pray.
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1 comment:
Tiff, this was a really nice post. Made me cry in fact. Probably the complete opposite reaction you would have wanted :-)
I have to say though, that any prayers you might have made for us were definitely answered. Those first few days were torture and I honestly didn't know how we'd crawl out of them alive. But we did. And I know that with time, we'll come out better, more thankful and empowered people. Our sad loss has opened our eyes to what we really want out of life, and it has lit a fire inside our hearts.
Everyone who has tried to comfort us has ended their sentences with 'I just don't know what to say'. And the truth is there are no words. And everyone is different. For myself, talking about it and crying has proven to be the best release, as well as writing. Also, tiny gestures mean A LOT to. And remember - all the tiny gestures add up. We've received so many 'tiny gestures' that my heart is overflowing with thankfulness.
I love you Tiff. You are an incredible friend.
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