From the desk of:

Zac Stashko

*****GENERAL MANAGERS COPY. DO NOT RELEASE TO THE MEDIA******


In co-operation with the Calgary Sport and Social Club, the ownership of Slo-pitch team Reasonably Sober is pleased to announce the changing of the teams' name to Tommy John Arms for the upcoming Summer 2008 season.

Along with the change of name, the club would also like to announce other personnel changes:

After the disappointing performance in Thursday night's final Spring playoff game, President and General Manager Jason LaRose has been relieved of his duties. Mr. LaRose will remain with the team as Assistant To The Batboy.

Replacing Mr. LaRose in the President and General Manager position will be Matteo Picone. Mr. Picone is known for his reckless abandon on the softball field, and the ownership believes he will bring new life to the organization. Mr. Picone has hired Zac Stashko as Head of Player Personnel and Chief Bat Whore--Bat Boy...no, Equipment Manger. Mr. Stashko brings a wealth of experience to the position, and the ownership believes he was born for this role.

The ownership would also like to announce the following players being added to the injured reserve list until further notice:

Zac Stashko – Severe case of whiplash from snapping his neck watching all those home runs fly by him

Desirae Lynch - Bad ankle from tripping over the imaginary line at home plate

Matteo Picone – Bad ankle because he wants to be just like Des, and tries to turn singles into triples

David “Nutz” Langlois – Sore foot from kicking a fire pit, then washing the cut in a dirty lake


Other roster notes: Three players have currently been added to the summer roster. The current lineup for Tommy John Arms is (scouts notes appear in red):

Derek
His flip flop rallies always fall short -- Cut
Des
Can’t breast feed and bat at the same time -- Totally cut
Dave 1
Has potential -- Still cut
Dave 2
Uses a girl's bat -- Therefore cut
Adam
Works with LaRose and has a bum knee -- Cut
LaRose
Missed the game sending us to Spring finals and we lost -- Gotta be cut
Matteo
Kid thinks he can play the whole outfield by himself, selfish player -- Cut, Cut, and then Cut again. Probably going to be cut from the little league farm team as well
Zac
Where do I start -- CUT-- I’ve never seen an ERA in the triple digits before, this kid couldn’t strike out a two year old
Tiffany
Choosing to do wedding stuff over ball -- Poor excuse, so cut
Vanessa
Nothing bad to say about VW -- Unfortunately she is still cut
Shane
Learned to play field from Matteo -- Nobody should have to bear that pain, therefore cut
Kevin
Only saw him at a couple games -- Can’t make a fair assessment, but he’s cut
Rich
Great guy, good all around athlete -- Drives a ford ranger--cut him loose
Kara (when possible) –
Another wedding planner who would "be there if we needed her" -- Gotta say cut
Jenny
Is an unknown talent scouted by Dave 1 -- probably is a superstar, cut
Tevy
The other unknown talent scouted by Dave 1 -- once again probably going to be the star of the team, and that is why he must be cut



******* THE VIEWS EXPRESSED IN THIS EMAIL CONTAIN MINIMAL FACTUAL INFORMATION AND ARE MAINLY THE COMPLETELY UNTRUE, MADE UP OPINIONS OF THE AUTHOR OF THIS PRESS RELEASE. IF ANYBODY IS OFFENDED BY THE MATERIAL OF THIS RELEASE, YOU ARE DEFINITELY CUT***********