Baby, Now That I've Found You I Won't Let You Go

I think I felt the baby kick.

I can't be sure, because it didn't feel like what has been described, and really it could still be too soon at 21 weeks today. Also consider the placenta is at the front of my uterus--which acts as padding in terms of me feeling the baby. Amanda didn't feel anything until 23 weeks, and her placenta was at the back, so it's hard to say.

I was lying on my back and felt kind of a poke on the inside--almost like a puff of air. I felt it again in the same spot a moment later, and then another in the same area. Hard to get excited when I don't know if that's the baby or not, but I can't wait for the first time for Rob to feel it--that's bound to be a very special moment. The other day we put earphones up to my belly and played a Bruce Springsteen song (he'll have to share what it was, as I'm not that familiar). He was a tiny bit emotional as he sang along. : ) Now that I know the baby can hear me, I've been talking to it a bit more. Just little things like telling it how much we love it, and how excited we are about it coming along. Makes me feel shy. Overall, I can't believe how vulnernable being pregnant makes me feel.

Had a huge shopping trip at Motherhood Maternity not that long ago, and I rationalized all my purchases by reminding myself I would get a lot of wear out of these clothes over the next four months, so the cost per unit will go down considerably the more I wear each item. Of course you would expect a photo, but I'm still leery of the camera. I know I'll want to get a few, so there's some time yet. What a fantastic store, by the way! Tons of price points, styles, it completely made up for my other maternity shopping experience and has actually made me excited to show off the baby bump.

Went with Amanda to a "Mom to Mom" sale in Okotoks on the weekend. If we'd have known the sex, I'm sure there would have been a ton of clothing purchased, but as it was I got a baby swing, Snugli and a tiny rocking horse for the baby's room. : ) All at pretty good prices, and in reasonable shape.

Having the baby swing in our place is a little surreal, as it's a larger piece of baby furniture. On Sunday I came downstairs to Rob puttering around in the kitchen and the swing was set up just outside the living room couch. I thought, "This is what it's going to be like--only a little baby will be watching in wonder." Quite nice. I can't say enough how lucky I am to have Rob to share this experience with. Aside from the the baby itself, I'm most looking forward to watching Rob turn into a father.

Almost fainted at a Baby Budgeting class the other night. I don't think it was blood sugar related, or heat induced, but I lost hearing in one ear, and the world around me paled a bit as I sat there with my eyes closed breathing and praying for it to pass. Kind of frightening. Nothing like that since then, so hopefully just a blood flow thing.

So far I seem to be craving a lot of milk, even though I drink a fair bit regularly--and if chocolate milk wasn't so high in sugar, I'd drink that by the gallon. My "reduced sugar" Quick makes for a nice substitute, but there's little that can compare to the thick chocolately goodness of actual chocolate milk. And I still want grape flavored things. Not like real grapes, but the artificial grape flavor, making grape koolaid a current favorite. I'd also drink the welch's grape juice non-stop, again, if it wasn't so damn high in sugar. If only restaurants had grape juice on tap and I then could get a grape and soda whenever I'm out...mmmm....grape soda....

Started my pre-natal yoga class last week. First class was with a substitute teacher who declared several times she had never taught pre-natal yoga. Thanks for freaking us all out! Jeez.... If the regular instructor wasn't so pleasant, I'm sure we'd all have been quite vocal at our second class. Overall it was a good experience. I'm a little self conscious that some of the thinner mommies-to-be look about the same size as me, despite being farther along, but I think the class as a whole will help me get over it, as it's too late to go back now! Rob has also mentioned that watching me grow has been a moving experience for him, so that was quite nice to hear.

Working on a Dream

Ahhhh, 3 more days to the half way mark. The Doctor says I have a low risk pregnancy at this point, and actually looked relieved when he saw me. He said he was very happy I was "still pregnant"--which he said a few times and is something I'd find quite alarming if I wasn't basically 20 weeks and doing fine.

Heard the little heart beat at around 150 beats per minute. : ) The 19 week ultrasound showed the baby kicking up a storm, which if the placenta were not in the front of my belly I might be able to feel, as he/she was pretty much standing on my bladder at the time. A few tears leaked out when I saw the baby moving all about. I was overcome with the feeling that I wanted the baby to be okay--it was quite profound. Especially when you consider I've never been baby crazy, or all hopped up on the baby train. Rob looked over at me during the appointment and exclaimed, "Are you crying?!" Well, yes, yes, I am. And he'd better get used to it, apparently.

I was an emotional wreck this past weekend; I was wound up from Rob's birthday on Saturday and had at least 2 crying sessions over it (thought his presents weren't good enough, was stressed about when we said we should get to the bar for Karaoke, then more stressed when we did get there and had to figure out seating arrangements, and capped it off feeling irate over the UFC fighting that went on until 11pm--leaving Karaoke starting 2 hours later then expected). Add to that, my family has always placed a high importance on birthdays and gifts, and although Rob and his family never have, it's hard to shake that kind of learned pressure over 36 years. I just want the man to be happy on his day; he deserves it and I want him to feel special because I love him so dearly--and I'm getting all emotional again.

I cried when Phil Mickelson won the Masters on Sunday, so I can see the direction my moods are heading. In my defense it was when he hugged his wife Amy who has been battling breast cancer, and there was a tear running down his face.

But right now, right now I'm quite happy. I booked today off in advance, and after the dr's appointment, I went and bought a few cute baby things (little baby bootie rattles--which I don't know if they even make sense, but I wanted them none the less). It's all from Winners, so at least I'm not spending a fortune.

I did manage to get what I hope is a stylish top from there, as well (and no, they do not have a maternity section. However, a number of tops in the plus section are slightly maternityish--too bad for those ladies!) I tried picturing Heidi Klum in the shirt, and thought I could see it, so I headed for the checkout (I've been watching Project Runway online, and right now she's pregnant. Surprisingly, I'm not that impressed with the tops she's been wearing, and she must have access to all kinds of stores. Mmmph).

When I got home I purchased Sleepytime Tunes: Bruce Springsteen Lullaby Tribute from iTunes and I'm listening to it now, so of course there's a big smile on my face. So pleasant. I just need to pipe the music into my belly now.
: )

As you may have guessed, we did not find out the sex of the baby; Rob wanted the surprise, I did not. Alas. That was our last ultrasound, also (barring anything unusual happening) and we checked at the Doctor's appointment--they do NOT have the sex on file, so there will be no spoilers for Rob ala Office style (where Pam accidentally reveals the sex as they leave for the hospital--she had phoned the Dr's office in advance because she couldn't wait to find out).

And all this, I'm sure is my way of avoiding homework which is due tomorrow. I can not wait for this writing class to be finished! Wednesday I start prenatal Yoga, which I hope will help ease some of my moodiness. The Dr, however, says how I'm feeling is all perfectly natural, and even though Rob wasn't sure he needed to be at this latest check up, I'm confident it didn't hurt for him to hear that. : P