Ahhhh, 3 more days to the half way mark. The Doctor says I have a low risk pregnancy at this point, and actually looked relieved when he saw me. He said he was very happy I was "still pregnant"--which he said a few times and is something I'd find quite alarming if I wasn't basically 20 weeks and doing fine.
Heard the little heart beat at around 150 beats per minute. : ) The 19 week ultrasound showed the baby kicking up a storm, which if the placenta were not in the front of my belly I might be able to feel, as he/she was pretty much standing on my bladder at the time. A few tears leaked out when I saw the baby moving all about. I was overcome with the feeling that I wanted the baby to be okay--it was quite profound. Especially when you consider I've never been baby crazy, or all hopped up on the baby train. Rob looked over at me during the appointment and exclaimed, "Are you crying?!" Well, yes, yes, I am. And he'd better get used to it, apparently.
I was an emotional wreck this past weekend; I was wound up from Rob's birthday on Saturday and had at least 2 crying sessions over it (thought his presents weren't good enough, was stressed about when we said we should get to the bar for Karaoke, then more stressed when we did get there and had to figure out seating arrangements, and capped it off feeling irate over the UFC fighting that went on until 11pm--leaving Karaoke starting 2 hours later then expected). Add to that, my family has always placed a high importance on birthdays and gifts, and although Rob and his family never have, it's hard to shake that kind of learned pressure over 36 years. I just want the man to be happy on his day; he deserves it and I want him to feel special because I love him so dearly--and I'm getting all emotional again.
I cried when Phil Mickelson won the Masters on Sunday, so I can see the direction my moods are heading. In my defense it was when he hugged his wife Amy who has been battling breast cancer, and there was a tear running down his face.
But right now, right now I'm quite happy. I booked today off in advance, and after the dr's appointment, I went and bought a few cute baby things (little baby bootie rattles--which I don't know if they even make sense, but I wanted them none the less). It's all from Winners, so at least I'm not spending a fortune. I did manage to get what I hope is a stylish top from there, as well (and no, they do not have a maternity section. However, a number of tops in the plus section are slightly maternityish--too bad for those ladies!) I tried picturing Heidi Klum in the shirt, and thought I could see it, so I headed for the checkout (I've been watching Project Runway online, and right now she's pregnant. Surprisingly, I'm not that impressed with the tops she's been wearing, and she must have access to all kinds of stores. Mmmph).
When I got home I purchased Sleepytime Tunes: Bruce Springsteen Lullaby Tribute from iTunes and I'm listening to it now, so of course there's a big smile on my face. So pleasant. I just need to pipe the music into my belly now.
: )
As you may have guessed, we did not find out the sex of the baby; Rob wanted the surprise, I did not. Alas. That was our last ultrasound, also (barring anything unusual happening) and we checked at the Doctor's appointment--they do NOT have the sex on file, so there will be no spoilers for Rob ala Office style (where Pam accidentally reveals the sex as they leave for the hospital--she had phoned the Dr's office in advance because she couldn't wait to find out).
And all this, I'm sure is my way of avoiding homework which is due tomorrow. I can not wait for this writing class to be finished! Wednesday I start prenatal Yoga, which I hope will help ease some of my moodiness. The Dr, however, says how I'm feeling is all perfectly natural, and even though Rob wasn't sure he needed to be at this latest check up, I'm confident it didn't hurt for him to hear that. : P
4 comments:
It is so cool to be reading your blog, because I forget what it was like to be pregnant for the first time, (nine years ago!) and not know what to expect. What you are going through is normal, but you are exceptional. I wish you nothing but the best.
What a nice thing to say. Makes me emotional. Sniffle. : )
My God, does it only get worse from here?
Rob's parents said they read that sadness "passes through to the baby". Based on this, Rob has asked me to stop watching Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice (which make me cry every single week). He says he's willing to buy both dvd sets next year for me.
This I find amusing, but I'm in.
Oh, so many things to comment on!
First - AS IF your baby is feeling the same emotions as you are! That doesn't even make sense. But, I remember Warren having the same feelings as Rob. I was watching Silence of the Lambs, and Warren was worried I was 'scaring' the baby. SHEESH. So you're in good company.
Second - the emotions. You are connecting to this baby and falling in love. I can't wait to read every word you write!
Third - Those foot rattles! Baby will love them. I never bought them for Rhys, but always thought they were a genius invention.
Fourth - I can't believe your doctor said that!!
Okay, Warren needs the computer - gotta go!
My mom said she read something about passing on your "baggage" to your baby. I think it was called "pain body", or something like that. Whatever it was, I didn't feel particularly encouraged by it!!!
And when Ronan came out all sensitive and emotional I thought...crap it's true! But....then we had Layton and he's all happy and easy going. Phew!
Perhaps a baby can be attune to your emotions, but let's face it, with so much love enveloping them, it must create some kind of force field. None of the stress or worry stands a chance!
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