Tripe

It's all tripe, dammit! I was re-reading my past posts and it really is a good thing no one reads this shit, as I may be embarassed if they did.

Regardless.

Here I sit in Signal Hill Library. My guy is late coming back from work (traffic) and I came here to update my resume, only to discover I forgot my portable usb key back at the office. Mah. So, with nothing to do and all email checked, I shall write some sort of crap on my so-called blog.

What's the latest scoop? Well, I'm more than on the way to falling in love with the guy, but it occurs to me, does he even want my love? I think many women make the mistake of giving our hearts away to men who never asked for them.

Now, clearly some guy is not going to literally ask for my heart or love (yes, I'm aware just how cheesy that sounds), so how does one measure such a thing? How indeed.

My main problem is the damage done to me by my past relationship has me anazying the shit out of the latest relationship--to my detriment of course. While I should be able to rationalize a certain amount of my anixety away, I can't stop myself from doing my own creative "relationship math". As in, one plus one for me equals some really random fraction. I'm constantly trying to figure out what "adds up". If guy does a) than b) = 33 1/3

I'm aware that my mathematical metaphor is crap, but humor me. If the guy cancels one day (due to whatever), what exactly does that mean? Many would say, well, he just cancelled, so what... Whereas, I say why not head off some perceived imminent danger while you can? I'm always "adding" everything up to figure out what it means in the long run.

It's rather tiring, I have to say. What I can say is, I'm really not very good at living on the surface. Even my therapist tells me I need to bring it back up to the superficial--stop looking so intently into everything.

Well, I guess I'll have to think about that. : )